brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
