I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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