i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
