Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
