I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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