my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
