dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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