Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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