I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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