Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
