I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
