I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
