My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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