i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
