I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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