You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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