ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize