You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
