i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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