21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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