i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
did i walk over a car last night?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
