My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
