oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
