So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
