planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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