How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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