she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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