I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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