Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
