She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize