Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize