The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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