sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize