Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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