why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize