God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
