You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
