at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize