: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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