i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
