They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
