tell your sister to shave her snatch
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
