is your mom at the bar?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
