My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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