I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
