A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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