I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
