So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
