the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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