I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i drank out of a bidet.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just pee around me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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