listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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