Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize