my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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