He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
