there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
