eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
