The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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