What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
