You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
