the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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