I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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