i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
