Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
