I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
