Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
