the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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