I feel like abortions should bother me more
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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