i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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