then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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