Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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