ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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