She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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