Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
