i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
